How to Shamelessly Catch a Guy at Church

Posted by on Jun 26, 2012 in Being Saved, Being Single, Uncategorized

How to Shamelessly Catch a Guy at Church

Last year I wrote about the ploys women use to catch a guy’s attention at the gym. Sad to say, but this happens in church as well. What better place is there to secure the right guy for you? He knows God, is humble, and possibly in ministry… right?

Hmmm…

And before you all start pointing any fingers, let me just say there isn’t ONE single man that is a member of the church I attend… maybe there is one, but he’s far too young for me. Now before you start picking apart my words and finding a loophole, let’s get to the steps.

  1. Find the right church. Now we know single, Black men are few and far between in some of our churches so you’ve got to scope out the best location. Smaller country churches with lots of married couples and a few singles sprinkled throughout are best. You might as well forget the mega-churches. Those brothers have already been scoped out, and the competition will be far too stiff.
  2. Don’t overdress. Save the bright red dress for date night, honey. Demure and attractive is best. Wear “get-em-girl” dress if you must, but then you might intimidate the heck out of your future boo.
  3. Your hair and make-up MUST be perfect. A low bun just won’t do, ladies. Whatever style you choose, be sure it accentuates your best features and glistens under the bright church lights. Make sure your lip gloss is popping, and don’t forget the waterproof mascara for when the Spirit moves you.
  4. Sit within gazing distance. You want to be where you can see him seeing you. Avoid direct eye contact, and DO NOT SIT BESIDE HIM! I saw a lady do this once. She sat her self right next to a fella and kept standing up and poking her ample bottom in his face. We’d like to think the guy continued to sit there, right? Not this guy! He got up and mooooooved!!! I cheered for him in my thoughts…
  5. You better praise Him. After all, what decent brother wants a woman who doesn’t enter in during praise and worship? I’m not saying you gotta shout and holler (please don’t), but you need to clap your hands to the beat, sing, and dance a little. Show that you don’t mind getting down for Jesus. When the Spirit gets moving and you feel a tear coming, remember to dab (not wipe) your make-up.
  6. When it’s time to greet your neighbor, head his way but completely avoid him. Hug at least one person from each of the following groups: a female close to your age, a small child, and an elderly person. And, honey, you better griiiiiinnn like there’s no tomorrow.  Whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with him. I mean your eyes need to dance around him like he isn’t there at all. He will work harder to make himself more visible later.
  7. After service is over meander at your seat, but look busy. Take your time putting away your notebooks, pens, and highlighters. Say goodbye to your closest neighbors and offer your business card (or two) to one of the married couples in the church. Gracefully head to the door. He will find his way to you even if it’s not until you reach the parking lot.
  8. If he doesn’t speak, fret not thyself. You’ve made your presence known, honey! Rest assured he’ll ask around…. more specifically to the married couple that to whom you passed the business cards. Well, played, lady. Well played.

So I’m not completely serious about this. In no way do I recommend that any woman should take these steps seriously, but if you’re willing to try, who am I to stop you? There’s nothing here that’s wrong in and of itself. But should you be so bold, make sure you find your want to the “Contact Me” tab above and share your story.

On a serious note, kingdom women who desire companionship must demonstrate self-respect. Leave all the desperation, loneliness, and attention-seeking at home in your prayer closet. On a more serious note, don’t go to church looking for a boo. Seek God, and He’ll send the right one in the right time. Yeah, I know it sucks… Ugh.

I’ve learned that any man that you attract by your own efforts will fall short of what you truly desire. Every. Single. Time. God knows what we truly desire and need.

 

In the meantime, ain’t nothing wrong with being a little coy…

 

With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,

 

Alana

 

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

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  • http://theblackwriter.wordpress.com The Black

    I thought I heard meowing as I passed a church last Sunday…

    • http://www.consideringthelily.com Alana

      It wasn’t the church I attend, but I’m surprised that’s ALL you “heard.” Smh… Some church ladies are THE worst. One fella told me a married woman chased him out into the parking lot, and he had to run to get away from her. We have so far to go. *sigh*

  • http://www.TheScottFirm.org Brandon

    Well said my sister and quite funny! Many men I speak with always feel like approaching a woman after she just cried during appeal is poor taste. lol

    • http://www.consideringthelily.com Alana

      Thank you, brother! VERY POOR TASTE!! In fact, I would advise women to steer clear of those men as they are obviously on the prowl and seeking to manipulate the woman’s emotions. Good altar workers can eliminate a lot of that foolishness though.

      Great point there… Looking forward to hearing more from you!

      Alana

  • DeeDee

    Lol, this is toooo funny & sadly too true. I’ve seen 1 female in action. Not only does she do the majority of the above, after service she zooms straight to the guy (he’d a drummer). The pastor hasn’t even finished the blessing and she’s already pushing past those in the pews. Then while he’s still sitting at the drums, she starts twirling her fingers in his hair (hand slap to face)…. Oh Lord…..

    • http://www.consideringthelily.com Alana

      Hey there DeeDee!

      Thanks for your comment. Maybe you could forward this to her because at least what I suggested won’t embarrass her! Lol… Bless her heart. Let’s lift her up in prayer.

      Alana