Dear Future Wife: What He Hopes to Find in YOU!

Posted by on Jul 8, 2012 in Being Single, Dating & Relationships, Uncategorized

Dear Future Wife: What He Hopes to Find in YOU!

Ladies, if I asked you for the top three qualities you need in your future husband, you would probably say something like this:

  1. Loves & serves God faithfully.
  2. Loves me and ONLY me!
  3. Financially secure, funny, tall/dark/handsome, etc.

Well, that number 3 is wide open depending on preferences, but the first two are pretty rock solid for single Christ-following women. We realize that almost every good quality we want in a man is embedded (hopefully) in number 1, but number 2 has to be stated just for our security. No one wants to be in an unloving marriage after all. But I’m not here to talk about (my disdain for) lists, but moreso what should be found in YOU.

We’ve all heard the messages that we should be getting into shape, buying houses, starting businesses, etc., while waiting on our proverbial Boaz. I’ve written previously that not every man is a Boaz and not every woman is a Ruth. But regardless of your personal experience, EVERY single Christ-following, kingdom-minded, wife-seeking man desires a woman with a certain set of qualities.

I’ll dig into those qualities in a bit, but first, the Word.


Let not yours be the merely external adorning with elaborate interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is not anxious or wrought up, but is very precious in the sight of God. (1 Peter 3:3-4)


THESE are the qualities that Apostle Pete expected wives to exhibit. So if your future Christ-loving, wife-seeking boo could write you a letter (or send you a series of romantic text messages), he’d say…

Baby, I need you to be gentle. God gave you the grace to nurture and to heal with your hands and your words. Even when I’m wrong and you have to check me, please remember that I do have feelings. Use your words to build me up. Don’t ever tear me down.

Sweetheart, few things are more attractive to me than meekness. I need you to have strength under control. Life will try to break us apart, but if you rule your soul and I rule mine, then we can overcome together. Because I know you exercise self-control, I can tell you anything and know you won’t overreact.

Sugar Lump, I need you to trust me as head of our home. Are you willing to adapt to my needs as I lead you in love and understanding? You’re safe to submit to me because I will submit to Christ first and you second.

Pillow Fluff, I need you to be devoted to Christ, to me, and to our family. I’m not asking you to be perfect, but I am asking you to be a woman of your word.

Darling, please treat others with kindness… and not the phony kind. I want to see the love of Christ exhibited in everything you do. You can be kind and still get the job done, but if you’re nasty to people, then I know that one day you’ll direct that nastiness to me.

Babydoll, stay fly! I know that as time passes we’ll both grow gray and saggy, but know that I’ll love you still because you will be so good to me and no other woman can satisfy me as you have.

Wouldn’t it be nice to read that on Issey Miyake scented paper? I’m swooning even now…

Ladies, our world is inundated with physically attractive women who lack substance and every inkling of self-control. It only takes a few channel changes to find that these women attract the sheistiest, scummiest, sluttiest, Stevie J-ist men of all time. If we conform to that model, we, too, subject ourselves to control, manipulation, and all types of abuse. Our relationships with men are NOT supposed to be filled with havoc and turmoil. But we can only have security when we root ourselves in Christ and allow Him to bring us total healing. If you exhibit these qualities, you will attract MUCH better quality men AND you’ll be able to manage yourself in a way that protects you from becoming hurt again and again.

One final note… While it is extremely important that we keep up with our physical appearance, we need not worry about conforming to others’ ideas of beauty. Who I am in Christ is constituted by my heart condition and walk with Him. And somewhere out there is a man who likes a brown-skinned woman with thick hair and thick thighs. There’s someone out there who will be attracted to you too. And if you feel changes need to be made, then by all means, DO IT! Just work from the inside out… Keep in mind that you should still look healthy, pretty and feminine.


 Which of these qualities do you already possess?
Which do you need to further develop? 


With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,



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    Jehovah God, has provided his written Word to guide us in all matters. He says: “I, Jehovah, am your God, the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk.” (Isaiah 48:17)

    When looking for a mate, look in God’s house so that each one should be united spiritually, mentally, and morally. They study God’s Word together, they pray together, and that unifies their hearts. All of this helps to forge a spiritual bond that draws them closer to each other. Even more important, it results in Gods blessing.

    For instance, in Gos’s Word he outlines desirable qualities to look for in choosing a mate. Note some of these. Husbands are urged “to be loving their wives as their own bodies,” not to “be bitterly angry with them” and ‘to assign them honor.’ (Eph. 5:28; Col. 3:19; 1 Pet. 3:7) Wives are told “to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sound in mind, chaste, workers at home.” (Titus 2:4, 5) And both mates are encouraged to display “love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control.” (Gal. 5:22, 23)

    In my opinion God is in the best position to counsel as to how to choose a mate and find happiness.