Being Single, Dating & Relationships, Uncategorized

The Plight of FB Relationship Statuses


[dropcap style=”font-size: 45px; color: #55cfbb;”]I[/dropcap] first signed up for Facebook after my former husband and I separated. He had secretly acquired an account, and since everything was going downhill between us anyway, I decided to get an account of my own. Not for the purposes of meeting people or anything… I just wanted to see what the hype was about. I wasn’t very tech savvy at the time, and all I knew was that I could reconnect with folks from high school and college.

So I created my little account, plugged in all the requisite information, and looked it over. My life in boxes on white and blue background. The only other speck of color on that page was the red heart with “Married” beside it.

Oh. Heck. To. The. Nah.

I didn’t want to change it to “Single” and definitely not “It’s complicated.” So I deleted it.

And what slides down my meager News Feed?

Alana is no longer listed as “married.”

Before I even saw the damage I’d done, my phone starts to buzz and ring with the kind of tune we only give to our mothers. She was on “Team Soon-To-Be-Ex-Husband” and was livid that I’d post such a thing. I explained as best I could that I had no idea it was there or what I needed to do to fix it. I managed to delete that little tidbit from my news feed before anyone commented.

Since then my relationship status has either read “Single” or hasn’t been visible at all. Why? Because inadvertently, I’m an over-sharer. And this was one area in which I KNEW I could not lack discretion.

So this post is for those who feel that you should update your statuses every time there’s a change in your romantic status. It’s silly to think people won’t judge you based on what you post, and you may not care. But you should… After all, you will need job references, character references, friends in the future. Being a recovering judgmentalist (that’s a word now), this is what I try not to think when I see your updates. And it’s not all negative…

 

“Single”

And there’s that “Interested in…” box which tells us you view FB as a viable dating site. Nothing wrong with being resourceful!!! If you want people to know you’re ready to mingle, then you might as well advertise. When I’ve had “single” posted, I found I was hit on more often by men who were not on my friend’s list. I can do without the inappropriate comments about my features, so I don’ t even have my single status visible on FB. Anything posted welcomes discussion, and it’s no one’s business but mine until I’m ready to share it.

“In an open relationship”

What exactly is an open relationship? Dating? If this is the case, then why is this worthy to share with your circle of people? When you truly understand the process of dating and courtship, you know that when you’re dating everyone doesn’t need to know. You’re getting to know that person, and that process takes time. Assuming he or she is a great person, you don’t want to invite others in to ruin what you’re developing. Assuming he or she is less than stellar (i.e. shiesty, trifling), you’ve damaged your own reputation through association. This is one status that should never be posted.

“In a relationship”

I’m happy for you… really I am (even though you just told me last week that you wanted to hang out). I would not be comfortable sharing this tidbit until 3-6 months into the relationship. I know some of you fellas get sucked into because your lady absolutely insists, but let’s be wise. And if you have that “with….” phrase going on, you know we’re checking. It’s funny how some folks stream of boyfriends/girlfriends have the same look and demeanor. But y’all don’t wanna learn! Ah well! Should the relationship regress, get rid of the “with…” phrase first, then delete your relationship status altogether. Wait a month or so before posting “single.” A break-up is a dagger on its own. No need having your thousand or so friends comment on it… You might have lost a love, but keep your dignity.

“It’s Complicated!”

I could cuss every time I see this. Why is it complicated? Are you in or out? I’ve resolved to have peace in every aspect of my life, and I’ll be doggoned if I let a man come in and complicate things then tell FB about. You know how you fix a complicated relationship? Get out of it! Relationships are supposed to make our lives better, not worse. Alas, there is a host of folk who love drama. Carry on while the rest of us snicker at your indiscretion.

“Engaged/Married”

I love seeing these, but I have one request here. Please make this status visible to EVERYONE, not just those on your friend’s list. Love, in its true form, needs to be celebrated more!

 

The intent of this post is not to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do on “your” FB page, but to give you an idea of what message you’re sending about yourself.

One final note… should your status change multiple times within six months, just stop posting. Seriously… stop it. Your significant other should honor your need for discretion until a more appropriate time. After all, you’re going to post those subliminal updates about how much fun you had the night before anyway… We’ll know you’re taken. 🙂

 

With love, sincerity, and hope for tasteful social networking,

 

Alana

Photo Credit: Constantine Belias via Compfight

  • Facebook has a relationship status? I’ll have to check and see what my status says, since I don’t remember when I set up my account or what I was doing (and with whom) when I did.

    • Yeah, a friend of mine made some changes to his a few weeks ago and suffered some teasing from family members. I told him how he could remove it all together and avoid going through that. The last thing people need during a break-up is the taunting from family and friends.

  • Facebook gets a lot of people in trouble. The crazy thing is, people just want to know about other people’s relationships. They search for people’s status in the “About/Info” section and judge them. It’s funny because the one little line can generate a lot of buzz and a lot of tears as well.

    • You know, Elle, I tend to agree. As a single woman, I most certainly check a fella’s relationship status. The last thing I want to do is to chat it up with someone else’s hubby unknowingly. But I also feel there’s another side to it. I feel that people lack discretion and open themselves up to criticism when they are constantly changing their status or overshare. I think women are the ones who apply the pressure to post the relationship status, but it seems to create some validation for men… at least those on my friend’s list. I’d like to see us make better choices and practice discretion.

      Alana 🙂

  • Debora

    I really enjoyed this, thank you. As for myself, I’m selective as to what I post on facebook and it is mostly private. I don’t want anyone using my information and/or picture for mendacious purposes.