Being Single, Dating & Relationships, Uncategorized

Everybody’s got the bug! Summertime, hot as it may be, has us wanting to find a (not-so) special someone with which we’d like to enjoy the season’s pleasures. In our desperate attempts to find the right match-up, we put up with less than the best.

Having chatted with some of my friends, male and female, here are some of the WORST unwritten (until now) rules of dating that have been displayed or said.

  1. You must have a pic to send me on-demand. And if I sext you, you sext back… no questions asked.
  2. I will classify you as boo, friend, homie, etc. I reserve the right to demote you without notice.
  3. I will romantically invite you out on a whim, but eventually I will disappear on you at regular intervals. You aren’t the only one I’m entertaining.
  4. When I tell you that I love you, believe me even though you know I’m full of crap. “Real talk…”
  5. After some time away from you, I will text “I miss you.” The proper response will be “I miss you too.”
  6. I’m going to say hateful things to you via text and chat, but put an LOL or LLC on the end… That means you can’t get mad.
  7. I will end the relationship, unofficially, when I find someone who will give it up, but I’ll still text and call you in case that doesn’t work out. He/she doesn’t have to know.
  8. I’m only going to call late at night when my other boos aren’t available. That’s the best time to convince you to give me what I want.
  9. Expect to hear from me before your time of prayer and worship. You’re feeling most forgiving during those times. I will also text you on generic holidays, but I’m going to forget your birthday on purpose… too expensive.
  10. Even though I know you will be done with me before long, I’m going to comment on all your photos and status updates to make sure you don’t forget about me.
  11. Don’t try to delete me from your phone or any social networking site. I will find out, become indignant, and harrass you elsewhere.
  12. When all is said and done, I will self-righteously and angrily tell you all your faults and then delete you from my phone… but I’ve still got your email. If you ever text me, I will respond “Who is this?”

So what do you do with a person who displays such an attitude of entitlement? BLOCK! DELETE! RUN! HIDE! UNFOLLOW! DEFRIEND!

Whatever you have to do, get away! Any person who has such a sense of entitlement will only make you weary in the end.

Besides, if you’re going to the beach, why take sand?

I’m coming out of krazy and staying out by avoiding those with skewed values… Here’s to hoping you’ll join me!

Sisterly,

Alana

Being Single, Dating & Relationships, The Best Of CTheLily, Uncategorized

How to Shamelessly Catch a Guy at the Gym
After about three months of working out regularly, I’ve taken a few notes on things women do to get a man’s attention. Some of them, as ridiculous as they are, actually work! So, ladies, if you’re looking for a special, health-conscious fella to play with this spring and summer, this is how you MIGHT catch his attention. If all else fails, at least you’ll get a good laugh at yourself.
Individually the steps aren’t so bad, but put them together, and you’re sure to make a fool of yourself…
  1. Wear the tightest, brightest workout clothes possible. To draw attention to your body of course! Whichever parts are more flattering, that’s where you put the color. So, yep, bright pink right across your super booty… that ought to grab some attention as soon as you walk in the door.
  2. Put on perfume… lots of it… in those key spots. If you’re really working out, you’re going to get a little sweaty, but nothing covers that briny scent like a double dose of Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue. Believe me… he’ll notice.
  3. Lipgloss and messy bun are a must! Ok… I do this, but for good reason. I don’t go anywhere without lipgloss anyway, and the bun keeps the hair out of my face. But a messy bun will send the message that you’re there to workout, not show off. So you look “focused” but still hot. Plus you’ll need the bun when you get to step 6. Hold your horses… we’ll get there.
  4. Find a treadmill with a tv. I will explain later…. Just do it!
  5. Get on the treadmill and program the incline to the “climb the sky” setting and walk! (There’s no way you’ll get me to run on a treadmill… Have you seen the videos when people fall off? Not cute!) If you’re really working it, hold on to the top of the machine. It makes your waist look super slim… And every so often make sure you add a little jiggle or sway to your hips. You may not be able to look behind you, but I guarantee someone’s watching.
  6. Turn to ESPN and shout strategically at the tv. This is the killer move that is ONLY for women who are serious about snatching up a dude. One of my BFF’s in college discovered that a guy she liked became more interested when he thought she liked sports. She’d watch SportsCenter before visiting him, and then once she was at his house, she’d watch it again with him and scream at the bad calls along with the commentators. Yeah, he bought it. I’m not saying go this far… but if you’ve managed to land on SportsCenter or some game, then pick a side (i.e. choose a color) and yell at the tv. It’s amazing what a strategically-placed grunt can do for piquing a man’s interest.
  7. Every few minutes take down your bun and shake your hair loose. Then quickly twist it back up. Men love hair… especially if it’s real! But whatever you’re working with, shake it out a little. Then, seamlessly twist it back up into your messy bun and keep going. Something about wet, messy hair… (But beware of the sensible woman that may be next to you. She may get tired of your shameless ploys for attention and snatch you and your messy bun off the treadmill.)
  8. When you’re finished your workout, slowly bend over and streeeeeeeeeeeetch. This move is only for the advanced and serious mate-seekers. If a man stops and speaks to you after watching you bend over, ignore him. He’s no good… But yeah, you did get some attention. That’s what you wanted, right?
  9. When you’re finished, take a slow, deep sip of water and let out a big sigh when you’re finished. I actually did this one day when someone kept staring at me. I was trying to ignore him, but the water went the wrong way. I ended up choking on the water and coughing it up onto my white t-shirt. He started talking to me, and of course, I couldn’t talk back. All I could do was cover my wet, white t-shirt and get out fast.
  10. When all else fails, go get on the leg machine that works the inner and outer thighs. Do you really need to ask why?
So, ladies, you see… all you need is a little shameless behavior mixed with your womanly wiles, and you too can make a fool of yourself at the gym. Honestly, any man who is attracted by this behavior will easily be swayed when a more shameless sister comes along. So be careful of the attention you seek.
I’m seriously coming out of this kraziness, and I’m a little bit tickled when I see other women indulge in it. Here’s to hoping for their sanity as well as my own…
Your cybersister,

Alana

P.S. After writing this, I observed the MOST shameless thing I’ve ever seen a woman do! One of the female trainers was working with a gentlemen on a weight machine. I overheard them chatting about tattoos, when she turned around, pulled up the back of her t-shirt, and revealed her *ahem* TRAMP STAMP. She proceeds to ask the man if he can read it, and bends over so he can get a better look. Poor guy… silly lady.

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Being Single, Being Smart, Uncategorized

Why Blog?

I didn’t really expect to be asked this question so many times, but the asking indicates one of the following: you’re being entertained, you’re being helped, or you’re being offended. I apologize for the latter, but if my previous posts offended you, perhaps you should not continue to follow me. I’d be sad to lose you, but just the same, no sense in your being a glutton for punishment. The terseness will not end here.

One of my colleagues (who demanded I blog tonight) commented that I was surprisingly open and cutthroat at times. I agreed. “But if I don’t show my scars and wounds, how can I help someone who’s dying inside?” I can’t pretend not to notice someone else’s pain when I’ve known it so long myself. I’ve finally come to a place of rest in my life, and even though I don’t have half of what I want or need yet, I’m content.

I’m only mildly annoyed that no one’s asked me how the title of the blog originated, but perhaps my first three posts made asking the question a moot point. But back to what you did ask…
So a few years ago I wanted to start a food blog called Pro-MsQ-us Foodie… I used to be Mrs. Q. See why that won’t work any more? Plus the less-than-tasteful title might give the wrong indication about who I was/used to be/might still be just a little. For that blog, I didn’t do anything more than upload pics of my family. Last year at one point, one of my Facebook friends told me that I could make money from blogging if I provided ad space on my page. Again, I wanted to do it, but didn’t follow through.
Last week, I don’t know what changed really. I was just sitting here (in my writing spot) thinking about things and realized that I had a lot to say and no one to listen. I had spent Saturday night in the emergency room for chest pains and discovered how horrible it must be to live in physical pain everyday. I couldn’t do much else but watch tv and write, and after a marathon of “Say Yes to the Dress” I opted for writing.

Simply put, I’ve been through a lot. I’ve gained perspective on a lot of issues, and though I don’t have all the answers, I do have peace. I can impart that to you at the very least. Of course, I’m only qualified to speak from my own experience, and I won’t presume to delve into anything else. But what I do know: family, food, faith, and failures… I will write about these things.

So what else might you expect from me in the future?

Thought-provoking, faith-building, gut-wrenching, conscience-piercing narratives of truth… I want you to take my story, apply it to your situation, and come to a new conclusion. Perhaps you don’t have all the krazy quirks that I have, but in some form or another, you’ve got some issues too… so let’s find some answers!

Whatever the topic may be, I want my readers to say at least once “I guess I never thought about it that way before.” If you have that moment, share it with me. If you think I’m absolutely insane, you can share that too. If you want to comment on the quality of my writing in a negative way, tell someone else.

Which brings me to sharing… If this blog has helped you in any way, pass it on. Perhaps you know someone who’s dealt with loneliness and abandonment, and there’s nothing you can say to help them. Share the blog. Or maybe you know someone who’s an absolute jerk when it comes to matters of the heart. Pass it on… you don’t have to tell them why. Just pass me on… I’ve made it to Tanzania once, and I’ve got my fingers crossed that a few new more nations will pop up on my audience map. It doesn’t matter where we are on the planet, we all deal with the same painful situations that damage our souls and make us easy prey.

So with that said, I shall continue meditating and reflecting on the things that have changed me, and when the time is right, I shall blog about them.

Join me as I take a few more steps towards a krazy-free lifestyle… And share how your kraziness is coming to an end too.

Your cyber-sister,

Alana