The morning after I posted “Love Your Husbands” I received an email from one of my close writer friends. He commented that he was interested to see what I’d come up with for the men. I responded saying that the men’s list would be much shorter and simpler.
His actual reply…. “So women’s needs are less complex (looking outside to see if it’s snowing )?”
At the risk of folk laughing me off Twitter, Facebook, and my own website I’m going to say YES… and NO! Shoot… I don’t really know. I just had to sucker you in to reading this post.
What I can say with CERTAINTY is that most menfolk are not about to read and implement 21 different things to do for their women… It’s just not part of a man’s make up. And to be perfectly honest, if you can do a few simple things in addition to being a provider, protector, and priest of the home, we’re good to go.
If your heart is right towards your wife, then the actions will follow. Keep in mind that the Bible warns against menfolk mistreating their beloveds. God explicitly says He will not hear your prayers.
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.
She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.
Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
Having said that , here are five things you can do to show your wife (or maybe wife-to-be) that you do really love her. Many women know they’re loved in word, but not so much in deed.
So gentleman, might I suggest you choose any one item from this list and test it out. See what happens when your queen notices a change in you, and trust me, SHE WILL NOTICE!
Ladies, let me stress this to you!! Do NOT send this to your man in hopes of proving anything without first sending the “Love Your Husbands” article. Let him see that you are wiling to make some changes for his benefit before requesting he do the same for you. I might even suggest allowing him to pick a few items with which you can start. It’s alright to be transparent because none of these techniques work by magic. If he knows you’re overlooking a snide remark because you want better and not because you neeeeeed him… you can figure out the rest.
What does your wife need most?
Your time? Affection? A greater demonstration of your commitment to her?
Which of these items could you implement first?
If this blog has helped you in any way, please subscribe via the form on the right hand column, SHARE this with a friend, and leave a comment. I LOVE to hear from my readers, even when you all disagree.
With love, sincerity, and hope for your marriage,
Photo credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.netRead More
Before I was married, I remember sitting in church and hearing that scripture that tells the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands. I thought “I just don’t understand why God would say that. Wouldn’t we love them already if we married them?”
Then I got married.
And with marriage I began to understand that this fried-chicken brown man with 9.5 of my 10 listed qualities was often unkind, insensitive, and downright unlovable. In those moments I learned it was especially important for me to demonstrate my devotion to him. I knew I’d end up divorced eventually, but God told me that he wouldn’t allow me to leave that marriage until I’d learned to treat him right when he did me wrong.
God is just so unfair at times… Just, but unfair.
Many of you have a great partner but with daily stressors, it’s easy to overlook and under-appreciate his efforts, as meager they may be. After all, he is a man. He doesn’t do things the way you’d want him to. He’s sometimes emotionally disconnected and downright rude. Why would you want to put in extra work?
I know these sentiments well. (And to be perfectly honest, things are sooo much easier on this side. You mad? Not today? Well maybe tomorrow then…) But still, when I do marry again, I’ll have to come back to this list, swallow my pride and take care of my commitment.
Take what you can, and leave the rest…
Fret not, ladies. A list is coming for your dear hubbies, but if you want him to read it, you should get a head start on a few of these items.
Which items are easy for you? Which are challenges?
Is there anything you’d like to add?
Please please please comment and share your thoughts and forward to your friends even if it’s just for giggles.
With love, sincerity, and hope for lasting marriages,
P.S. I will not be accepting any marriage proposals via text, email, Twitter, Facebook, or GChat. I will, however, accept “thank you” cards and gifts from men whose lives have benefited from the list, even if the benefit is nominal.
Free images from FreeDigitalPhotos.netRead More
Two weeks ago I wrote about personal rights and righteousness, but this time I want to discuss our legal rights as they pertains to our freedoms and liberties. This post is political in nature, and though I hate politics with a deep, burning passion, I will blog on the matter while my rights to do so are still in tact.
Here’s what I won’t do in the post.
So what the heck am I going to do?
I’m going to remind you of WHO YOU ARE in Christ and WHY it’s of the utmost importance for you to take your faith to the polls.
Being a person of faith, regardless of which faith, requires more than just weekly attendance to your house of worship, prayer, and reading of a holy text. Regardless of whether you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu… to be a good *insert religious affiliation here* you have LIVE according to your belief system. And your belief system infiltrates EVERY area of your life right down to voting.
As a Christ-follower, I believe fully, completely, and totally the doctrines that Christ taught and lived. What’s more I believe that the Old Testament God and New Testament God are one and the same even though His covenant with us has changed. Therefore my Bible dictates every aspect of my life included finances, relationships, business, and politics… This is not a mark of weakness or inability as some would assert. Keep your negative opinions to yourself until you’ve read all of what I have to say.
I strongly believe that faith and politics do mix. After all, if you don’t take your belief system to the polls, who will? Who will represent your God?
Not convinced? Ok… walk with me.
People often ask how God, if there is a God, could let such horrible things happen in the world. The scripture very clearly states that God has given the earth to MEN (Psalm 115:16). If we permit injustices to happen in the earth, He will also. So that means the depravity, sickness, poverty, etc., that so heavily grieves us is our own fault. We KNOW that God’s will is good, acceptable, and perfect so we have a twofold duty…
The purpose of this clause is to prevent any religious organization from dictating the laws of a nation and the rights of a people. It seems to me we’ve only used this clause to remove the rights of a set of people so as to not offend others. I guess we all have a right not to be offended, but is that a reason to remove prayer from schools or to stop kids from wearing an American flag to class? Ugh… that offends me!
Don’t try to dictate what I can and should do in my own nation when you are not a citizen. I know being a “global citizen” is popular right now, but there’s something to be said for patriotism. America was founded on strong Christian principles, and not those “watered-down, wimpy, let’s be friends with everybody” sentiments that I’m seeing in my Facebook news feed.
God knew me before the foundation of the earth. He knew you too. He chose your Black/White/Asian/Hispanic parents for the purpose of building His kingdom, not to give you a limited perspective of life from which you would vote. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Before anyone fought for my rights to vote as a Black person or woman, Christ DIED so that I might live. My loyalty is to Him first!
This statement, as common as it used to be, rings true! Christians often say they accept things that are contrary to Word of God because they don’t want to IMPOSE THEIR BELIEFS ON ANYONE ELSE. I really don’t understand this mindset… at all. It’s hard for me to even formulate an argument because of the gross fallacy represented here. But here’s my attempt…
Standing up for what you believe is hardly an imposition on others. Don’t be so naive. Let the other side squirm, squeal, and cry… You stand and speak out, or else their whinings will eventually silence you. In case you haven’t noticed, our freedom of speech is being taken away little by little.
When President Obama took the office, White Christian America went slammmmmmm off! Whether he is or isn’t the man God wanted in office was a moot point after the election… The Bible makes it very clear that we are to pray for our leaders so that we may have peace. Agreeing with him or her is not a requirement. Pray God’s will be done! (1 Timothy 2:1-3)
After all is said and done, God still reigns. And you and I will have to answer to Him. My earnest prayer is that God will say to us “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into my rest.” I know this piece doesn’t address the obvious challenges in our system and that no one candidate represents all of what we’d like, but I wanted to, at the very least, stir up your faith and remind you of what’s really important.
Let us reconsider our position on these critical matters.
Are you who you say you are?
Do your actions line up with your beliefs?
Do your beliefs line up with Christ’s?
With love, sincerity, and hope for our nation’s future,
Free images from FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I have to giggle when single men claim to be Boaz’s waiting on their Ruth’s. The sentiment is sweet and heart-warming. You’re on the search for love, but is a Ruth truly what you desire?
Last week some young, preacher-like fella was retweeted into my Twitter timeline proclaiming that he was a Boaz and demanding God to send his Ruth. This guy couldn’t have been more than 25 and quite immature which was made evident by the fact that he demanded anything of God at all. I thought, “Dude, you’re not even close to being a Boaz. What would you do with a Ruth?” I replied to his tweet inquiring as to whether he really wanted a woman who’d suffered loss, carried emotional baggage, and didn’t fit in with the crowd. His reply… “Well, maybe not a Ruth.”
In Scripture you find that Ruth was a woman from a foreign land who married an Israelite. Her husband, father-in-law, and brother-in-law died in her home country, a place known for abominable sins. She returned to Judah with her mother-in-law, Naomi, and took care of her until God sent her kinsman-redeemer, Boaz. You know the rest of the story. (Just in case you don’t, you can find it here.)
While I originally intended to write this post for women, it seems I’m going to delve into the qualities that make a man a Boaz and offer you fellas some other options as far as women of God go. While Ruth’s are incredibly valuable and significant to the kingdom, this type of woman may not be right for you. More importantly, you may not be a Boaz.
Let’s break this down…
Are you prepared to do this for a woman who has suffered loss and needs protection and covering? Nothing wrong with saying “no” because you have to know where you stand on the matter. Perhaps a Mary would suit you better… sweet, mild-mannered, chaste. But are you a Joseph— Discerning, discreet, and self-sacrificing?
Or a Sarah who was submissive and had no problem calling her husband “lord”? But you’ve got to be the man who has no problem displaying affection for his wife.
Or an Esther who is mentally stimulating, beautiful, and brave? But are you sensitive enough to hear her heart on important matters?
Unless you’re seasoned, have been through some challenges, and find beauty in rare things, you probably don’t want a Ruth. And there’s nothing wrong with that… What type of woman is it that will suit you best?
Better yet… find what type of man you are.
With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,
Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.netRead More
The morning after I posted “Name Your Price: Righteousness Over Rights” this email was sent to me by a close friend and fellow writer. Ladies… here it is! A man with life experience, triumphs and failures, tells exactly WHY we end up on the losing end of relationships far too often.
Hey Beautiful One,
I absolutely agree with your new article. One of the greatest detriments to relationships – and maybe especially black relationships – is that women have given up their power (Yeah, I know I’ve said that to you before). But it’s not just the power of their sexuality. It’s also – and more important – the power of their dignity and self-respect. I hear a lot of black women calling themselves queens, and my thought is usually, “Queen of what?” They’re not even queens of themselves in word, deed or dress. Demanding respect never works when you give up your power in all other aspects of your life. Any man who pretends to show respect to that kind of woman is only doing so so that she’ll shut up for a minute and give him some. Then he’s on to the next “queen.”
I know it’s hard for women who want to be in relationships and want to be loved. I’ve met a few who have that (so-called) old school way of conducting themselves. They have respect for themselves as ladies, and without demanding it, let a man know that he’s going to have to put in some work as a gentleman before he gets close. These women say that when most men realize this, they run. They don’t want to put in such work when so many don’t require any effort. So it’s hard for a true lady looking for love. It’s sad too, what we’ve become.
Men are at fault in this, too. But I give them more of a pass because my feeling is that as long as you feed a dog freely it will eat, and won’t guard your house. He has to be made to understand that if he wants to eat, then he’d better be respecting and protecting you. Women have to be the ones to teach that lesson and change the state of things.
We’re not going back to the days when a man had to pay a dowry to his new bride’s family. But the least a man can do is be able (and willing!) to be a man. Times are tough. The economy sucks. It’s almost impossible for most people to live a certain lifestyle without two incomes. But the least a real man will do in a relationship is to work in partnership with his woman to support their household…not live off her.
Okay, I’m climbing off my soapbox and getting to work.
Have an excellent day!
There are a few tidbits in this email that I don’t agree with completely just because I’m a woman that likes to question everything, and one spot that really rubs me the wrong way… yet I believe Chris is telling us the truth. Maybe I should change my perspective on a few things.
With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,