Being Saved, Dating & Relationships, Family, For the Brothers, Uncategorized

Love Your Wives: We’re Not THAT Complicated

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The morning after I posted “Love Your Husbands” I received an email from one of my close writer friends. He commented that he was interested to see what I’d come up with for the men. I responded saying that the men’s list would be much shorter and simpler.

His actual reply…. “So women’s needs are less complex (looking outside to see if it’s snowing Smile)?

At the risk of folk laughing me off Twitter, Facebook, and my own website I’m going to say YES… and NO! Shoot… I don’t really know. I just had to sucker you in to reading this post.

What I can say with CERTAINTY is that most menfolk are not about to read and implement 21 different things to do for their women… It’s just not part of a man’s make up. And to be perfectly honest, if you can do a few simple things in addition to being a provider, protector, and priest of the home, we’re good to go.

If your heart is right towards your wife, then the actions will follow. Keep in mind that the Bible warns against menfolk mistreating their beloveds. God explicitly says He will not hear your prayers.

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.
She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.
Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7


Having said that , here are five things you can do to show your wife (or maybe wife-to-be) that you do really love her. Many women know they’re loved in word, but not so much in deed.

  1. Train your eyes to be only for her. I made the heavy-hitter number one on this list. Men, you’ve got to understand that no matter how strong and secure your woman is she will never be ok with you looking (and lusting) after another. That goes for real life, social media, television, websites, porn, MMS’s, Instagram, imaginative SMS’s. Some of the things that I see posted by married/engaged men are downright disrespectful. (But if your woman is cool with it, who am I to pretend like it’s not acceptable?) While you may go home to her, another woman’s image is in your head. And scripturally-speaking, that’s adultery (Matthew 5:28). Love your queen enough to divert your eyes when you see “trouble” from afar. And when she says to you “Did you see what that woman had on?” you can honestly reply “What woman?” There is a great reward for the man who can grasp and practice this concept.
  2. Respect her feelings. We know that you’re logical by nature, and we tend to be a little more feel-y. Despite what you may think, our feelings are just as relevant as your reasonings. Have you ever come home late after promising to be on time? You had the best, most logical response planned, but it just wasn’t enough to calm her. No? Man, please… you don’t have to lie to me! Let’s really be logical. If you know something you want to do will bother her, don’t do it. One thousand reasons isn’t enough to explain why you caused hurt when the situation could have been easily avoided. Honesty means next to nothing, and you’ll have to endure more than just a argument if you continue. The flip side to that is that you may feel you’re losing out and it’s unfair to you. But you promised to lay down your life, and again, there’s a reward for being considerate and kind to your bride.
  3. Try something new. I say this jokingly, but on a serious note, stop doing the same wrong thing over and over and over and over. Sorry doesn’t mean anything after the umpteenth time. If you’re going to slip up, please do so in a different and very minimal way, i.e. not replace the toilet paper roll.
  4. Unlock your phone. This right here could rival number 1. Trust is a major issue in relationships. If you are, in fact, living a life according to God’s statutes there is no reason for your phone and email to be kept private from your spouse. You’re trusting that person with your body and soul, and so it is their obligation and responsibility to cover you in those areas. If you can’t submit to that, then perhaps some fasting and separation is in order. I realize this requires a serious heart change for some, but truly, what do you have to hide? It’s going to come to light anyway.
  5. Clean her car, and make love to her. This is a two-fer. Something about a man taking care of domestic things that we ourselves are too busy to do ignites the passion in a woman. I have a friend who often comments on the reward her husband gets after taking care of the family’s dishes. Don’t complain about not getting enough if you aren’t willing to help out around the house or with the children. It really can be that simple.

So gentleman, might I suggest you choose any one item from this list and test it out. See what happens when your queen notices a change in you, and trust me, SHE WILL NOTICE!

Ladies, let me stress this to you!! Do NOT send this to your man in hopes of proving anything without first sending the “Love Your Husbands” article. Let him see that you are wiling to make some changes for his benefit before requesting he do the same for you. I might even suggest allowing him to pick a few items with which you can start. It’s alright to be transparent because none of these techniques work by magic. If he knows you’re overlooking a snide remark because you want better and not because you neeeeeed him… you can figure out the rest.


What does your wife need most?
Your time? Affection? A greater demonstration of your commitment to her?
Which of these items could you implement first? 

If this blog has helped you in any way, please subscribe via the form on the right hand column, SHARE this with a friend, and leave a comment. I LOVE to hear from my readers, even when you all disagree.


With love, sincerity, and hope for your marriage,




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Being Saved, Uncategorized

Mixing Faith & Politics: Don’t Believe the Lie

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Two weeks ago I wrote about personal rights and righteousness, but this time I want to discuss our legal rights as they pertains to our freedoms and liberties. This post is political in nature, and though I hate politics with a deep, burning passion, I will blog on the matter while my rights to do so are still in tact.

Here’s what I won’t do in the post.

  • I will not share my voting preferences for parties or persons.
  • I will not address any of the issues that are currently being discussed in the media.
  • I will not define or discuss politics from a political science or even legal point of view.

So what the heck am I going to do?

I’m going to remind you of WHO YOU ARE in Christ and WHY it’s of the utmost importance for you to take your faith to the polls.

Being a person of faith, regardless of which faith, requires more than just weekly attendance to your house of worship, prayer, and reading of a holy text. Regardless of whether you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu… to be a good *insert religious affiliation here* you have LIVE according to your belief system. And your belief system infiltrates EVERY area of your life right down to voting.

As a Christ-follower, I believe fully, completely, and totally the doctrines that Christ taught and lived. What’s more I believe that the Old Testament God and New Testament God are one and the same even though His covenant with us has changed. Therefore my Bible dictates every aspect of my life included finances, relationships, business, and politics… This is not a mark of weakness or inability as some would assert. Keep your negative opinions to yourself until you’ve read all of what I have to say.

I strongly believe that faith and politics do mix. After all, if you don’t take your belief system to the polls, who will? Who will represent your God?

Not convinced? Ok… walk with me.

God has ordained YOU to bring His will into the earth.

People often ask how God, if there is a God, could let such horrible things happen in the world. The scripture very clearly states that God has given the earth to MEN (Psalm 115:16). If we permit injustices to happen in the earth, He will also. So that means the depravity, sickness, poverty, etc., that so heavily grieves us is our own fault. We KNOW that God’s will is good, acceptable, and perfect so we have a twofold duty…

  • To pray THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE (Matthew 6:10), and
  • To allow God to USE us in the answering of the prayer.
Exercise your kingdom authority in this earth. How can we pray for one thing, and then act against the very thing you prayed? Oh God, save our nation’s children… *casts vote for…* (I said I wouldn’t do that… sorry.)

Separation of church and state was never intended to remove God from the picture.

The purpose of this clause is to prevent any religious organization from dictating the laws of a nation and the rights of a people. It seems to me we’ve only used this clause to remove the rights of a set of people so as to not offend others. I guess we all have a right not to be offended, but is that a reason to remove prayer from schools or to stop kids from wearing an American flag to class? Ugh… that offends me!

This land is MY land.

Don’t try to dictate what I can and  should do in my own nation when you are not a citizen. I know being a “global citizen” is popular right now, but there’s something to be said for patriotism. America was founded on strong Christian principles, and not those “watered-down, wimpy, let’s be friends with everybody” sentiments that I’m seeing in my Facebook news feed.

Your skin-color is temporary… your kingdom purpose, eternal.

God knew me before the foundation of the earth. He knew you too. He chose your Black/White/Asian/Hispanic parents for the purpose of building His kingdom, not to give you a limited perspective of life from which you would vote. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Before anyone fought for my rights to vote as a Black person or woman, Christ DIED so that I might live. My loyalty is to Him first!

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

This statement, as common as it used to be, rings true! Christians often say they accept things that are contrary to Word of God because they don’t want to IMPOSE THEIR BELIEFS ON ANYONE ELSE. I really don’t understand this mindset… at all. It’s hard for me to even formulate an argument because of the gross fallacy represented here. But here’s my attempt…

  • If voting for or against a particular issue is, in fact, an imposition of beliefs then those who disagree with you are imposing their beliefs ON YOU… so you let the other person win and give up your rights? That’s not smart.
  • The Bible says that peaceMAKERS, not peacekeepers, will be blessed. It’s your job to stand for what’s right even when it makes others uncomfortable, because through the fight you will be blessed and others may be saved.
  • To agree with people doing whatever they wish just because they “can” is anti-God. This is not Christian love, people. I don’t care how you try to justify it, God is not pleased.

Standing up for what you believe is hardly an imposition on others. Don’t be so naive. Let the other side squirm, squeal, and cry… You stand and speak out, or else their whinings will eventually silence you. In case you haven’t noticed, our freedom of speech is being taken away little by little.

United we stand, or divided we fall.

When President Obama took the office, White Christian America went slammmmmmm off! Whether he is or isn’t the man God wanted in office was a moot point after the election… The Bible makes it very clear that we are to pray for our leaders so that we may have peace. Agreeing with him or her is not a requirement. Pray God’s will be done! (1 Timothy 2:1-3)


After all is said and done, God still reigns. And you and I will have to answer to Him. My earnest prayer is that God will say to us “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into my rest.” I know this piece doesn’t address the obvious challenges in our system and that no one candidate represents all of what we’d like, but I wanted to, at the very least, stir up your faith and remind you of what’s really important.

Let us reconsider our position on these critical matters.
Are you who you say you are?
Do your actions line up with your beliefs?
Do your beliefs line up with Christ’s?

With love, sincerity, and hope for our nation’s future,



Photo credit

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Being Saved, Being Single, Dating & Relationships, For the Brothers, Uncategorized

So You Want a Ruth?

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I have to giggle when single men claim to be Boaz’s waiting on their Ruth’s. The sentiment is sweet and heart-warming. You’re on the search for love, but is a Ruth truly what you desire?

Last week some young, preacher-like fella was retweeted into my Twitter timeline proclaiming that he was a Boaz and demanding God to send his Ruth. This guy couldn’t have been more than 25 and quite immature which was made evident by the fact that he demanded anything of God at all. I thought, “Dude, you’re not even close to being a Boaz. What would you do with a Ruth?” I replied to his tweet inquiring as to whether he really wanted a woman who’d suffered loss, carried emotional baggage, and didn’t fit in with the crowd. His reply… “Well, maybe not a Ruth.”

In Scripture you find that Ruth was a woman from a foreign land who married an Israelite. Her husband, father-in-law, and brother-in-law died in her home country, a place known for abominable sins. She returned to Judah with her mother-in-law, Naomi, and took care of her until God sent her kinsman-redeemer, Boaz. You know the rest of the story. (Just in case you don’t, you can find it here.)

While I originally intended to write this post for women, it seems I’m going to delve into the qualities that make a man a Boaz and offer you fellas some other options as far as women of God go. While Ruth’s are incredibly valuable and significant to the kingdom, this type of woman may not be right for you. More importantly, you may not be a Boaz.

Let’s break this down…

  • Boaz was a wealthy businessman. Don’t get upset with meeeee! It’s true!! Several men have approached me claiming to be my Boaz, yet I live better than they do. To be a Boaz, you must have reached a place beyond financial stability. If you’re still living with mama’nem, you cannot call yourself a Boaz… You may have some of the other qualities, but until you’re financially stable, should you really be looking for a wife at all?
  • Boaz was a man of authority and influence. He owned and managed fields, workers, threshing floors, and everything in between. He was a man of authority and influence because he built a name and reputation for himself. Not because he had a big ego– Sorry, Bey! What kind of leader are you? Are you humble or cocky and arroagant? Do people fear you or respect you? Do you take care of the needs of your workers? Or are you insensitive, cold, and demanding?
  • Boaz was compassionate. Woe to us who see a need and refuse to meet it when it is in our power to do so! If you’re not willing to give and provide for the woman in whom you have interest, you are far from ready for a Ruth. If you’re courting a woman, or even dating in some cases, to what extent will you give her help when she needs it? If her car breaks down, will you run to her rescue? If a family member gets sick, will you just pray with her and hope for the best, or actually make yourself available for emotional support? Compassion for another will cause you to give of yourself even when you may have to sacrifice.
  • Boaz was humble. I’ve never really understood why Ruth uncovered his feet or what that even means outside the literal sense, but Boaz says something to her that really strikes me as profound. “You have not gone after young men, neither poor nor rich.” Boaz was aware that Ruth could have easily found another mate. She was obviously very attractive or he would not have had to warn the young men not to touch her. Though he was well-suited to be  a husband, he respected her right to choose and was thankful that he was the one she chose.
  • Boaz was diligent. Once he was aware that Ruth was interested, he “made haste” to resolve the matter. He exercised wisdom in dealing with his shrewd family member, but secured Ruth as his wife. I wonder what Boaz might have gone through before the account of this story. There’s no record of his having a family prior to Ruth, but whatever challenges he had as a man prepared him to recognize the value in Ruth.

Are you prepared to do this for a woman who has suffered loss and needs protection and covering? Nothing wrong with saying “no” because you have to know where you stand on the matter. Perhaps a Mary would suit you better… sweet, mild-mannered, chaste. But are you a Joseph— Discerning, discreet, and self-sacrificing?

Or a Sarah who was submissive and had no problem calling her husband “lord”? But you’ve got to be the man who has no problem displaying affection for his wife.

Or an Esther who is mentally stimulating, beautiful, and brave? But are you sensitive enough to hear her heart on important matters?

Unless you’re seasoned, have been through some challenges, and find beauty in rare things, you probably don’t want a Ruth. And there’s nothing wrong with that… What type of woman is it that will suit you best?

Better yet… find what type of man you are.


Identify your areas of growth, and begin building up yourself so that when your bride comes…
whoever she may be…
you, man of God, are ready to meet her needs and cover her as God has ordained.


With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,





Being Saved, Being Single, Fine Oil Initiative, Uncategorized

The “M”-Word


This is quite possibly the biggest trap for folk who are trying to live right.

We know premarital sex is wrong.

We know extramarital sex is wrong.

We know it in our hearts and our heads… but our flesh has difficulty complying with the ordinances from upper management. So we compromise and satisfy the desire of the flesh…. alone.

You figure out the m-word yet? No? Well, I’ll keep writing. It will come to you… when you’re by yourself… Friday night after a long week at work… feeling a little tingly down under… thinking about sending that late night text… it will come to you.

(I can hear the menfolk screaming inside… It’s ok. Just don’t let the person in the cube next to you hear you.)

For years, I was bound. I won’t be graphic, but I will say that every time I became stressed about money, angry with someone close to me, bored… it was my vice. I’ve never been one for drinking, never done any type of drug… but this thing here had me defeated. More than anything, I wanted God to make me pure again, and everyday I’ve come closer to that goal.

Now many of you may not feel m-ing is wrong or bad, but if you feel that way you probably haven’t agreed with much of anything I’ve written thus far. I don’t mind your disagreeing. Thanks for reading anyway…

For those of us who feel the Holy Spirit’s conviction let me express to you why the the “m”-word is a problem in your daily walk.

  • You are polluting your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. The original word in Latin literally means “to pollute oneself.” One day somebody’s going to want to drink from your cistern (if you’re not already married). And no matter how deep or shallow the well, no one wants to drink dirty water.
  • It doesn’t satisfy the need for a connection. This “quick fix” is like putting a bandage over a huge gaping wound. Your need for the s-word is more than just physical whether you choose to believe that or not.
  • It creates soul ties with a person who ain’t even present. You’re thinking about Mademoiselle X or Monsieur Y and releasing all those love-inducing hormones for a person who isn’t even in your space. What happens when you see them again and you’re feeling all amorous, and they’re just dapping you up like a homey? Hop on down that bunny trail… you can find the ending yourself.
  • If you’re married, you may be defrauding your partner and you definitely are if the p-word is involved. You know those sites that are so easily accessible? They have NO PLACE in the life of a Christ-follower. The two together have destroyed many marriages. I’ll write more about this another time.
  • Long term addictions to this particular problem are usually associated with rejection. David’s father, Jesse, rejected him at a young age and ever since David had issues with women. I’ve also read (no citation for this particular point… sorry) that children who grow up with fighting-arguing-cussing parents use this particular thing as a form of stress relief. What are we doing to our children?!

So how does one break free from this vicious cycle,
assuming one WANTS to break free? 

You know me better than that by now. I’ll get over the shame of having posted this within a week or so, then I can share my testimony.


With love, sincerity, and hope for your future of PURITY,




Photo credit: Some rights reserved by ninasaurusrex


Family, Uncategorized

Tough Cookies: Kids Who Need Spankings


I love scanning through my FB News Feed and seeing the pictures of my friends’ beautiful little ones. I have one particular friend from high school who has THE most gorgeous little girl. This kid has cheeks for days, bright gray eyes and a smile that will melt anyone down to the ground. She is a baby doll… so it would seem.

I had no idea this kid was a tough cookie, so it surprised me when her “mild-mannered, sweet as pudding” momma emailed me to say “What the heck am I supposed to do with this kid? She’s whiny, manipulative, and strong-willed. I don’t know if spanking is right or wrong, but this kid is running my home. How do your kids behave?”

Welp… I have a lot to say about this— so much so that I will have to break the content down into two to three entries, but I’ll do my best to get it all published within a week’s time. But let’s address the first few objectives… why spanking is good and how to determine if your child is the kind that will need them often.

Why Spanking is Good for Your Child

Children do not have the reasoning ability that adults have, so we must guide and direct them. Here’s an example. Little Tyrone is riding his big wheel in the driveway. He starts to feel a little confident and wants to head out to the main road. You tell him to stop and to turn around. Now, depending on whether you’ve instilled an attitude of obedience in him (or not), he will respond.

Let’s say Little Tyrone disobeys and rides his bike out in the street. The unthinkable happens. And who’s responsible? You are! We must teach our children that they must respect us (liking is optional), that we discipline them because we love them, and that obedience is better than taking a chance and getting hurt and/or in trouble.

As unthinkable as the scenario above may be, it’s very realistic. How often do I children step to the line of danger and attempt to cross it not realizing what may lie ahead? The minimal amount of pain you give them as a response to disobedience cannot be compared to the danger that faces them in that moment. When you spank your child within the right context, you literally save their soul from future troubles and possibly even an eternity apart from God.

Another good reason… you don’t want a child running your home. As temperamental and stubborn as Brandon was at two and three years of age, I refused to let him dictate what would happen in my house. We would go grocery shopping and he’d run away from me to another aisle. I’d have to leave Briana behind (in her carrier) to catch him. I would whine and cry about the situation, but eventually I realized I’m the adult and he’s the kid. I started to teach him that if he ran from me when I called him, he’d get spanked right away. And when we were at home, I delivered on that promise. Next few times we went out shopping, I’d call him and he’d start to run, then stop and look at me, then look to run again… He was contemplating what to do! Eventually he brought his short self over and held on to the cart like I asked. He learned the lesson and lined up with my expectations. (I’m laughing as I write this, but it was very challenging at the time.)

There are far too many stories about children abusing their parents, and I will not be one of those casualties. Neither will you! Don’t let your children go so far that you have to call SuperNanny in to rescue you. Get them in line NOW!

Some kids need spankings. Some don’t.

Some kids need spankings as their main form of discipline while others can be disciplined via time outs, taking things away, or a good scolding. But if your kid has the following qualities, he or she will more than likely need a good swat to the thigh or backside on a daily basis until they really learn to respect and obey you.

  • Strong-willed and stubborn
  • Fearless and adventurous
  • Mean-spirited or angry
  • Moody and temperamental
  • Disrespectful

Parents must understand that a child’s personality is formed by the time he or she reaches 5 years. So you have fewer than 5 years to create an attitude of obedience and respect for authority. If you’re past that time, you’ve got to reinforce what you’ve already instilled or do damage control. Hopefully the former…

Age really isn’t a factor either. Of course no one should spank a baby… Use common sense. But there are ways to let babies know that what they’re doing is not acceptable. I used to tap Briana’s little legs when she decided to run her baby teeth across my baby-feeders. The first few times, she didn’t understand that I wanted her to stop. But around tap number 4, her big ol’ eyes widened, she grinned, and stopped nibbling on me.

I remember another time… indulge me here… she wanted something from the cabinets but she wasn’t talking yet. I thought she was pointing to her cup. So I passed her the cup and she threw it on the floor in anger. I picked it up, and handed it to her again. Again, she threw it on the floor. So I tapped her hand (not hard at all) and said “No no.” Third time giving her the cup (and still not realizing what she wanted), she looked at me with her frustrated baby face then bent down and placed the cup on the floor. I never did find out what she wanted, but I both learned a lesson that day. Young children (under 18 months) do understand discipline.

One more tiny piece before I end… life brings about changes, and often our kids misbehave because they are sad or grieving over something. In those situations, I stop and ask the Lord if I should spank or not. Usually, I get a yes. We don’t want our children to think it’s acceptable to be disobedient just because they’re tired or sad.

Whew… that’s only a small piece of what’s in my heart about this matter. I hope this helps those mild-mannered moms and pushover-dads out there. Take back your homes one bottom-swat at a time…


Does your child need spankings? If so, how often do they come begging you for one? 🙂


With love, sincerity, and hope for your (and your children’s) future,



Photo credit:  Some rights reserved by Geomangio


Being Saved, Dating & Relationships, Family, Uncategorized

The Art of Forgiveness: One Step Solution

Thanks to those who contacted me regarding The Art of Forgivness: But Do I Have To?  The needs of my readers really drives what I write, so I must continue on this course. If there are any other concerns for matters of life that you have, please send me an email or leave a comment below. If I can help, I most certainly will!

Everything you need to know about forgiving someone is embedded inside of you. Your will controls every action and decision you make, so forgiving someone is a matter of will. Not emotion, not logic, not obligation… There truly is just one step.

 You must CHOOSE to forgive.

Now I know this is opposite of how we’ve been trained to live (i.e., let your feelings be your guide), but truly, forgiveness is a matter of choice. Here’s an example.

When I was married, I suspected my trust had been been betrayed, then the evidence came forward. I would be taking care of daily matters when the weight of the world would just fall on me. My chest would would cave in, and my head would spin. My heart would literally ache inside of my chest. Several times a day for months I’d go through this emotional and physical torment because I was reliving that moment of discovery. And my mind would wander into a thousand-and-one questions, suppositions, and what-if’s. Then, one day… I don’t even recall when it happened… all the bad feelings went away. Because at some point in time I decided that I would choose to forgive.

In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus how many times he must forgive his brother, then he offers an answer of “seven times”. In other words, Peter is saying “Look here, Jesus. John is driving me nuts. He keeps talking out of the side of his mouth, and I’m trying to be gracious, but I wanna let him know some things. This morning was the sixth time… He’s got one mo’ time to cross me. So yeah, seven times is good… right, Lord?”

Jesus then responds to Peter, revealing the content of his heart. He tells Peter that he must forgive “seventy times seven”. In other words, let’s not be so concerned by the details of what happened nor the number of times it happened nor how wrong they really were. Let’s just get in the practice of forgiving.

What I believe this “seventy times seven” really means (because none of us would really allow someone to wrong us this  many times, and rightfully so) is that every time the matter comes to mind we must choose to forgive.

Every time you think about her touching another man…

Every time you think about him hitting your child…

Every time you flip through his phone and find those outgoing texts….

Every time you’ve been cursed by someone who should have protected you….

Forgive… and to reiterate a point I made last blog, forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting what’s happened, nor does it always mean reconciliation. For now, you just worry about setting yourself free from being tormented. And IF that means, you must get away from the person who caused the hurt to allow forgiveness to flow, DO IT!!!

I speak peace, in Jesus’ name, over every one of you who is struggling with unforgiveness. I bind any demonic force that is controlling your will and I loose peace and love upon you now, in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, let them find immediate joy and deep rest as they forgive every wrong that revisits them through bad memories, negative thoughts, and other daily triggers. No more torment, no more pain for these people, Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.

Will you set yourself free today??
CHOOSE to forgive, and the feelings will follow.


With love, sincerity, and hope for YOUR future,


Photo credit: Some rights reserved by C. G. P. Grey

Being Saved, The Best Of CTheLily, Uncategorized

The Art of Forgiveness: But Do I Have To?


I know you’re still mad…

Last week that chick at work said something slick, and you have yet to pay her back. And there’s the guy who never called you back like he promised. Then that family member whose name makes your stomach twist and turn into knots. And the kid from kindergarten who put gum in your hair… Ugh!

Your head throbs, stomach churns, and blood pressure climbs to the sky all because of someone else…

Or could you be the problem?

Everyday we are presented with the choice to forgive or to not forgive. But I’m going to tell you exactly what you don’t want to hear.

You MUST forgive! You MUST forgive! You MUST forgive!

It’s simply not an option. Here’s why…


Refusing to forgive means you are judging the person’s heart.

It’s often easy to classify an action as right or wrong, but we seldom know why a person made that bad decision. To withhold forgiveness means you are judging the intent of their heart. Only God is qualified to judge the heart. He gives us clues as to what’s going on inside of others, but He doesn’t share His throne.

 When we judge others by refusing to forgive, we open ourselves to receive judgment.

We’ve all heard and quoted the scripture “Judge not, lest you be judged.” Simple scenario… I know someone who was very judgmental of me when I struggled with my “flesh”. They often made comments regarding my poor choices and discouraged me even though I was trying to do right. That person has recently found themselves battling the same issues. Unless you want to find yourself in that same tight spot, forgive and withhold your criticism of someone else’s wrongdoing. Encourage folks to do right with love or hold your peace. Truth be told, some saints need to just shut up until they can speak the truth in love.

Having unforgiveness in your heart is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill  the other person.

Forgive the cliché, but it’s so appropriate.  When you replay scenarios in your head, you’re literally dumping toxins (i.e. stress hormones) into your system. No wonder we end up with headaches, stomach problems, allergies, and food intolerances.

Your sins won’t be forgiven.

Perhaps if we made a list of our wrongs, then we won’t be so hasty in choosing not to forgive others.

Forgiving and forgetting are mutually exclusive. 

Just because we forgive doesn’t mean we forget. It would be foolish to continually forget if someone abuses the relationship they have with you. You, sir and ma’am, are not a doormat. Don’t forget what happened, per se, but DO forget the emotions associated with it. I can, now, share with people the reason my marriage ended free from pain or emotion. I know the story well. It is my testimony. But when I tell it, I don’t cry, feel shame or embarrassment, or get angry. It really is JUST a story.

So, do you have to forgive? Indeed, you do. It’s God’s way of setting you free from the wrong that was done to you and the person who did it. Without forgiveness, your soul is tied to them and the situation. And who in their right mind wants to be all entangled with someone who’s hurt them? (I did qualify that by saying “in their right mind.” Not all of us have that…)
So, yes, you have to… but no worries. I have ONE simple step to forgiving, but you’ll have to wait until next time.

So who still makes your stomach turn? And who makes your blood boil?
Time to make some mental notes, so we can move forward.

With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,
Photo credit: LicenseCopyright All rights reserved by Nora Chin



Family, Uncategorized

Parenting Blog #2: Raising David

My son just turned 8 two weeks ago. Since then, he’s been a little more disobedient and disrespectful than usual. I’ve noticed that every year at his birthday, he asserts the heck out of himself. Lately, I’ve had to respond with a strong hand (i.e. corporal punishment) to discourage him from acting dangerously and from harboring bad feelings in his heart. It’s not easy. Nevertheless, I discipline him because I love him, and he certainly loves me for it. Within ten minutes I have my sweet, charming little boy back with a repentant heart.

This four-foot tall eight-year old reminds me of a ruddy, dirt-loving kid in the Bible who cared for sheep, wrestled bears and lions, and played tunes of worship to the Most High. Brandon is a protector (sometimes of those who don’t care to be protected), wrestles with dangers both spiritual and natural, and sneaks off with my laptop to play his favorite worship songs on YouTube. When his guitar strings were in tact he’d pluck the heck out of them and sing something loudly to the Lord. The sounds of music…ehh, but the heart of worship is truly beautiful.

Brandon is like David.

Undoubtedly each of us believes our offspring are destined for greatness, but it is our responsibility to mold and shape them in a way that maximizes their potential, even as children, and minimizes their weaknesses. The best of us can take their weaknesses and harness them to make our children stronger.

Listed below are some of the major personalities we find in the Bible.
Which of these personalities do you find your in child, or maybe even yourself?
This list is, by no means, comprehensive…


[tabs slidertype=”top tabs”] [tabcontainer] [tabtext]JOSHUA[/tabtext] [tabtext]MOSES[/tabtext] [tabtext]JACOB[/tabtext] [tabtext]DEBORAH[/tabtext] [tabtext]MARY[/tabtext] [tabtext]ESTHER[/tabtext] [/tabcontainer] [tabcontent] [tab]Children like Joshua are strong leaders who may be stubborn and unyielding at times. They have incredible faith and humility (with maturity), and an uncanny willingness to serve and learn. Joshua’s are fighters which is NOT a bad thing if you can teach them how and when to fight. Our generation needs young ones who stand up for what’s right. Joshua dared to lead the children of Israel in a battle against Jericho tearing down impenetrable walls with only the shouts of the people! He dared to command the sun to remain fixed in the sky… and it did for three days. Could your little rambunctious, aggressive one be a Joshua? This kid is probably going to need a lot of spankings, but if you can teach them to channel their aggressiveness and fearlessness, just imagine what your child can do.[/tab] [tab]Moses was a meek and tender soul. I imagine he seldom spoke with his head upright until He encountered the Almighty in the mountain. We often view children like this as having low self-esteem, and they may have encounter rejection daily from their peers. This type of child will need strong reinforcement from their parents that they have significant value. Build them up daily and teach them how to encourage themselves. Lastly and most importantly, show them how to cultivate a relationship with the Lord. These type of children desire deep and intimate contact with someone, and only a true relationship with God will satisfy that need.[/tab] [tab]We all know that Jacob was a trickster. He was dishonest and a little weasel-y even in his conversation with the Lord. Yet, God thought him worthy to receive a mighty blessing. Despite the fact that he was a “plain and quiet man” God saw him as the one to birth out the 12 tribes of Israel through whom the entire world could be blessed. Could your sneaky, squirrel-y, prank-playing kid have generations of blessings in his or her loins? Develop this child by teaching him or her truth and honesty. Embrace the child’s preferences provided they are not sinful. Don’t reject your little Jacob because he or she doesn’t have same interests as you.[/tab] [tab]Deborah is the first woman we see in the Scripture with some real power. She was honored and respected by men and women in the community, and even a military general came to request her help. Some of our girls are FEARLESS! We want them to sit and be quiet, not speaking on what God has said, but the prophetess inside must mature and grow. Give these children a safe place to communicate. Teach them how to say things, and how to speak the truth in love. Fill their mouths with the word of the Lord, and watch them prophesy! Look at your child and ask “What’s God saying today?”[/tab] [tab]I was meditating on Mary this morning, and my pastor said the very thing that I had considered. Mary “kept all these things in her heart.” Children can have rich encounters with the Lord and not know how to handle them. We must teach these meek and quiet ones to commune with the Lord in their hearts and to hold on to the secrets He’s shared. As they grow, discuss those things but ensure that their encounters are not topics for open discussion amongst friends and family. I’ve had to nip this in the bud with my own children. Mary’s can hear from God very well and need little input from anyone else. We don’t want the purity of our children tainted by well-meaning but misguided individuals.[/tab] [tab]Esther was more than just a pretty face. She held the heart of the king in her hand and therefore changed the policies and politics of a nation that wasn’t even her own. Being pretty is not good enough. Succumbing to worldly influences won’t project our daughters forward. Purity, intelligence, wisdom, grace, and and strength will. Teach your daughter to wield her pretty face and ability to influence those around her for good. My daughter is an Esther. She doesn’t say a whole lot of spiritual things, but when she does… My Lord! Hearts get convicted. She knows how to be pretty, sweet, and kind, yet reminds us to do what’s right. [/tab] [/tabcontent] [/tabs]

What are your child’s strongest qualities and gifts?
What does he or she seem to be lacking?
And how can you as a parent lead them to becoming what God intended?


With love, sincerity, and hope for your–and your child’s– future,