What I’m about to tell you is jarring, possibly triggering, and a very good example of what NOT to do to your kids when it’s time to have the s*x talk. But let me soften the blow by first telling how my son, who is nearly 13 now, reacted to learning how babies are made when he was only 9 years old.
He went into the bathroom, stared at himself in the mirror, and cried. Because he wanted children, but didn’t want to have to do THAT. I probably should’ve read the Family Life handout a little better because I didn’t think my third grader would have to learn about the actual act. I could’ve been there to cover his ears when the teacher spoke those fateful words, or at the very least, wipe his tears and say “Something tells me you’ll change your mind one day.”
Now do that rewind thing they show in movies and stop circa 1996. I was 14. I already knew the biological basics, but my mother who is a health professional picked up some brochures for us to look over. I never got the chance to read them because my dad saw them first. You would think he’d caught me in the act by the way he responded to those little pink handouts. He displayed them on the butcher-block table with the overhead light shining down as if they were to be interrogated. The only other things on that table were my father’s big Bible and even bigger hands.
I. Was. Terrified.
He broke out in a sweat and spit flew out of his mouth as he shouted across the table at me. I was being chastised for sins I had yet to commit. I learned three things from that conversation:
- S*x was bad, and if I ever did it before marriage, I’d no longer be worthy of my father’s love.
- Girls who do it and have babies smell bad.
- Men only marry girls with their v-card.
I don’t remember a single Bible verse. I don’t remember hearing anything about the love of God and His plan for my life. I barely had hope that would encourage me to wait. I don’t remember hearing his perspective on morals. All I heard was judgment, doom, and gloom. And none of that lifted me. None of it saved me from living a promiscuous double-life.
Parents usually talk biology first, then maybe some discussion about morals will follow. But how many of us learned about having good self-esteem, how to say no, why waiting is beneficial, or what happens when you form a soul tie? How many of us learned from our parents how to avoid or recover from a heartbreak? It’s likely my experience was significantly skewed in the wrong direction, but something tells me that many of us missed pieces to this puzzle.
Take a moment and thank God for your parents and what they COULD offer you, then ask Him to fill in the gaps. Whatever you need to know, may He train you through His Word and revelation.
With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,