I am one of theeeee most distrusting people walking this planet. I question everyone’s motives all the time and can villain-ize an ironing board if need be. I blame my parents for this debilitating characteristic. They didn’t hug me enough as a child. (See?)
Can’t recall what brought this post on, but I’m well aware that I’m not the only person with trust issues. And to be totally honest, I’m really not THAT distrusting. But I do know that there is a reasonable amount of security and comfort in keeping people at a distance. Who wants to open their hearts repeatedly only to be deceived and betrayed again and again? Why not collect dust on a shelf where no one can reach you? Why not hide your gorgeous self behind a bunch of jungle plants? You’re safe there. And so am I.
For certain seasons, a cocoon is fine. God does His best work when we are at our lowest, but now that Spring is coming I really don’t care to be bound up, blocked out, or broken down anymore. I mean… Aren’t you TIRED of the same old conversations with the same old people? Wouldn’t you like a fresh perspective? And new opportunities? Isn’t the air in there getting stale?
Here’s how all of us, admittedly distrusting or not, can learn to trust (and love) again.
Spring is upon us, and I’m ready to enjoy some warm weather outside of my old brick fortress of shame and disappointment. And you, my dear reader, there is somebody waiting for you to enter his or her life. Someone needs a friend, a colleague, a prayer partner, a lover. Someone needs you, and certain things in their lives won’t happen until you arrive.
With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,
I love random SMS conversations. But today, this one took me by surprise…
Flex: Could you be with someone that you didn’t enjoy kissing?
Me: Absolutely not!Flex: Just making sure I wasn’t crazy.Me: But I would try a few times to see if it gets better.Flex: Yeah, I would. But if I CONSISTENTLY don’t like it…nah lol.Me: Totally agree…Flex: So you wanna kiss me or nah?Me: X______X (I didn’t actually text this, but my eyes did cross.)Flex: I kid I kid lol
That short (hilarious) exchange did two things for me. First, it sent me into a fit of laughter thinking about my friend being poorly kissed by a well-meaning, passionate, but unskilled woman. Can’t you see her closing her eyes, leaning in, tilting her head, and seductively pouting only to smoosh his nose in and chomp down on his lips? Second, it made me think about a few kisses I’ve had over the years. As we all know, 2012 has been relatively dry in the kissing department, so I had to dig deep to really reflect on the matter. (The things I do for you people… psssh…)
Some of ye olde kisses were awkwardly pleasant. Others were forceful and unenjoyable. Some I have to dig deep to even remember though at the time I was having a swoon-fest. But one kiss really stands out in my mind for all the right reasons.
Oh, how I wish I could describe the mechanics of this kiss, but Lord knows you super churchy folk would get all up tight at the mention of kisses that don’t land on foreheads or cheeks. And this kiss was smack dab on the lips. There was suction. There was swooning. There were no consequential actions that led us into sin or regret. The kiss simply communicated “I care about you. I understand you. I value you as a person. Thank you for being you.”
Outside of the fullness of the fella’s lips– *dodges rebukes*– I can pinpoint three factors that contributed to the swoon factor.
Immediately following this seven-second smooch, I turned my back towards him, crumpled to my knees, and fell flat on my face— in my mind, of course. In real life, I zombie-walked away in complete and utter shock. Once I was alone I smirked and giggled like a fool.
Many of us are far too careless with our kisses. For some that may look like kissing too many people or not kissing the one you claim to love enough. For others, we fail to communicate what matters most in such an intimate moment, and that is your respect and admiration for the person of interest. We can’t be so careless to communicate our demands in hopes that the other party will be moved (coerced– whatever) to fulfill our desires. And selfish kisses are worse than bad breath kisses for one reason, and one reason only. They’re totally forgettable.
Next time you want to make someone swoon, remember respect and compassion will help you win the cause, but at the very least, you won’t be forgotten.
With love, sincerity, and pack of Chap Stick,
For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed my absence lately. I miss tweeting with you all, but I’ve focused my writing efforts on my first book “Late Nights on the Straight & Narrow.” I’m hoping the book will be finished and ready for sale by Sunday!!! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this short snippet, and the previous excerpt that I’ve posted.
…But for Adam there was not found a helper meet
(suitable, adapted, and complementary) for him.
And now the unveiling of the cybermirror of introspection! Look at yourself, woman of God. Are you help meet material? I’m not asking you, my sister, if you’re willing to cook his dinner, clean his undergarments, and contribute fifty bucks to the cable bill. I’m asking if you are strong enough and willing enough to stand face to face with a man of God and assist him in his calling. And are you wise enough to choose the right man who will also help you with yours?
Some macho man somewhere painted a picture of help as one coming behind you and cleaning up what you messed up. That’s not help! That’s a maid. Maids are blessings in their own right, but alas, that is not my calling. Whenever God and Adam met, they talked face to face. When God created Woman, He intended her to be that type of help that would offer wise counsel and comfort. I think of my best girlfriends who are a help to me. We talk with like minds but they bring out the best in me. Whatever I miss, God reveals to them and we both grow in the process. When Adam cried out for help, Woman would come to him, look him in the face, and say “Baby, what do you need? What can I do for you? Help you turn this soil? No problem.”
God designed you to be a strong consolation and gift to someone, but if you haven’t submitted to His plans for education, career, ministry, etc., you can’t help the man to whom you’ve been called. What will you have to offer him besides sex, a hot meal, and a hot ironed shirt? Some of us can’t even do those things.
I tweeted once “Women aren’t that complicated.” Needless to say I was retweeted into oblivion and lambasted by men who thought I was insane. I started to backpedal, but by the time other women jumped in, my point was made. We are NOT that complicated.
Any woman who is truly in line with God’s will (and most that aren’t) is willing to submit to a man who meets a certain set of qualifications. And I’m not talking six feet tall, making six figures, with zero children and all that nonsense. I’m talking about a man who loves God and serves Him faithfully, and then, of course, loves the woman he chooses as wife. A woman knows that if a man truly loves her, he will not make a choice that will bring harm or danger to their family. It’s EASY to submit to a man like that. And should he make a wrong choice… well, nobody’s perfect!
Your demonstration of love for your future wife is a seed sown. You will, in turn, reap her respect and willingness to submit to you. So I would also ask you, brother, do you love yourself? Not in the cocky, arrogant way… but do you value who God has created you to be? The Bible teaches that you must love your wife as yourself, and so it follows that if you hate yourself—well, that’s an ugly thought. I’ve lived through a marriage where my husband did not love himself. I began to have suicidal thoughts, but I knew they weren’t from me! If you have room to grow in this area, then please allow your heart to be healed before taking a wife and making more babies.
Take a glance into the cybermirror of introspection and ask yourself the following… Are you a good leader? Are you patient enough to learn about her, or will you assume that you know her, or worse, attempt to make her what you desire? Do you make decisions based on what you think is best, or do you consider the well-being of others? Are you gentle and forgiving? Is your swag sanctified? Tell me about your character and integrity. If your wife-to-be so happened to pick up your phone, would your stomach turn inside out? Do you require a “foretaste of glory divine” before marriage even though she is kept a secret from your family and friends? Unless you live out the right answers, no REAL woman of God will submit to you. Any woman who does is silly and foolish.
I’d love to hear your comments!!! What do you hope to read in this book? Let me know what your concerns are before I finish.
With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,
Earlier today I shared six appropriate actions for getting to know someone via text. I shall not belabor the intro, so here are the corresponding DON’Ts!!
Let common courtesy be your guide!!!
With love, sincerity, and hope for your future,
I’m not sure why I’m on this social media, mildly techie kick lately but I guess my single self has the time to explore the idiosyncrasies of conversation through several filters.
I loooooves me some text messaging. Talking exhausts me, but a few swypes of my mobile keyboard can get my point across quickly and easily. But with text messaging I’m able to quickly determine whether a person is even worth continued conversation. Let’s face it… I’m a nerd and appropriate (not perfect) grammar and spelling are important to me. Cuz if yhu rite like dizzzzz… I can’t. And an even more importantly, out of the abundance of heart, the finger strokes speak! A person with impure motives won’t stay in hiding for long.
So here are five do’s for those of us who use SMS to play the get-to-know-you game… The don’ts will be shared tomorrow.
Are you a texter? What do you love about it?